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Monday, September 28, 2015

The Story of Hairy Pendant: A Weak Man's Imitation of Strength

I have been told that rudeness is 
the weak man’s imitation of strength. 

Well, I am sure that all of us have experienced 
rudeness in one form or another. 

 Certainly, it is a human trait that we all 
encounter from time to time and experiencing 
it here in Second Life is no different 
than that in Real Life, no matter what 
circumstance, event or location. 

I believe that we are all defined by our attitude, 
behavior, actions and humility. 

 A good case in point for me was a recent encounter 
that I had with a man over at Frank’s Jazz. 

When in open chat, there are often multiple 
conversations. As we all know, at times 
those conversations can get unintentionally 
combined, confused or misinterpreted. 

It was during this recent experience when I
 discovered a case of rudeness 
prompted by spells of severe male chauvinism 
and condescension over something that 
could have been resolved by a simple apology. 

Instead of being a gentleman, 
it was this weak man’s decision to IM me privately 
in his vain attempt to make himself feel
 better by being arrogantly condescending
 with a back-handed apology. 

(As many of you know, I seldom hold back
 lacking any response when it comes to
 calling a spade a spade.) 

For reasons of politeness, I changed his name 
to lessen any further embarrassment on his part. 

This new name I feel however is very appropriate. 

Here is how our conversation went:

Hairy Pendent: I have absolutely no idea why you thought I was directing any sarcasm towards you.

I actually didn't even notice you in any conversation. 
I gave you the cheap shot in local,
and rose above it, because I was asked to by the host. 
(It's unfortunate that the host had to remind him to be a gentleman than by his own choice.)
But don't you dare do that to me again in here again! If you look back at the chat I was actually saying you were clearly intelligent  enough to understand sarcasm. 
( I sense that I am getting "bitch-slapped" into submission.)
Becky Kénaan: You say you rose above your own cheap shot? Well, that's very noble of you.  I will also catalog and save that one under my “Condescending” file.

Becky Kénaan: I think that it's best that we leave it at that and move on.  I believe that there was some confusion on multiple conversations going on at once.

Hairy Pendent: Every silver lining has a cloud, thankfully :)
(I am so appreciative of his dyslectic response.)

Becky Kénaan: does indeed. That cloud over your head must keep you very busy I assume.
(this response was intended as playful sarcasm…hoping that he would be appreciative and 
"clearly intelligent enough to understand sarcasm.").

Hairy Pendent: On your part clearly, and it gave you the perfect opportunity to demonstrate your true colours. There was no confusion on my part...............I'm done.
(I was wrong... I actually think that he was well done. Sort of like burnt to a crisp.)  

Becky Kénaan: True.. but it would have been much more appropriate for you to just IM me and say "I am sorry for being rude to you."

That would have been a much better approach on your end. I did not see it as a fight unlike you. I just felt compelled to respond to your rudeness in public.”

The Morning After

Afterwards, I decided to look at this man’s profile to seek more meaning to his unwitting existence here in Second Life.

 Then, I found this very telling quote he made for himself which read as follows: “I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me, now I look around and wonder if I like them.”

I am not a behavioral psychologist but it certainly doesn’t 
take much to understand that this man’s reasoning and perception is seriously flawed. 

 His statement is what professionals call "negativity bias." 

Unlike the Hairy Pendant type, most of us seek to find the good in all people. At least that was how I was raised. 

 I was taught to take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's inside other people - especially their good qualities.

Many encounters or interactions often have a kind of “bumper-car” quality to them. 

In Second Life, we especially tend of bounce off of each other while we exchange thoughts, and then move on, disappearing into the mist.

Unfortunately, as in the case of Hairy Pendant, not all people think about the good qualities in others, but only a sprinkling of dimly-sensed good ones, making Hairy naturally feeling less supported, less safe, and less inclined to be polite. 

Plus, in a circular way, when somebody gets the impression that they don't really see much that's good in someone else, then that someone else is less likely to take the time to see much that's good in that other somebody. It is that impression which creates the negative bias.

I hope that this blog serves as a lesson for all of us. I am not perfect and I also make mistakes. 

 The difference is acknowledging your mistakes and being sincere in your apologies rather than being spiteful.

"Becky Da' Boop with Da' Scoop!"


  1. A well written post. The conversation that happened both in local as well as in IM later was uncalled for. Rudeness, as they say, is truly an imitation of strength and should be avoided as much as possible. But, lets look at it from a different perspective. You meet a smart ass guy in a club with a big mouth, a guy you know nothing about and whose either opinion or, I dare say, his very own existence isn't worth a rat's ass to you. For all that you know, he is a John Doe. Why then does anything he says or doesn't say mean anything to you? See I totally understand calling "A spade a spade" part but help me chose which is better: Using your energy positively chatting with a nice gentleman and spending the night away or using it negatively to talk down a jackass who isn't worth shit? The famous saying goes that never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

    In life you meet all kinds of people. Some of them are worth trapping in your heart, some of them at a hand's distance but ready to hug but some of them are worth shooting at sight. There is a fourth category of people too. These are the people who have negative influences on your life. These are the people to be avoided at all cost and don't deserve a microsecond of your attention. Give your attention and time to people who deserve you and those you raise you up rather than people like Hairy Pendent that pull you down and then laugh as you both fall (block you in your case).

    And if they annoy you too much, just listen to this song:

    And hey tight hugs :).

    - RB (the lucky host)

  2. Thank you for the nice response to my blog. The way I see things, life is all about our habits and improving the human condition. The perpetual obstacle to men such as Hairy is that they habitually look down at others. This is what I referred to as his "negativity bias" which as time goes on becomes more difficult for them to overcome. The unfortunate thing that we experience in this world is that all too often good habits are so much easier to surrender rather than the bad ones. Hairy is going down that same path. Hopefully he can take pause to reflect on his few remaining good ones and turn himself around. I forgive him for his rudeness - but it is Hairy that needs to ultimately forgive himself to move forward and thus more self-aware.