CWS: "It's All About Sex, Stupid!"

by Becky Kenaan


The Male vs. Female Brain

Let’s talk about about sex differences in communication, shall we? Boys, please pay attention to this if you care to listen.  Hmmm...Listening? 

But first, I definitely want to give the Men out there the ten top things NOT to say to a Woman when being intimate and smooching up. 

They are:

“Baby, I could do this part better myself.”

“Have you ever considered liposuction?”

“I really hate women who think sex means something.”

“Do I have to pay for this?” 

“You know, my ex was so much better in bed.”

“What is your name again?”

“This is your first time, right?”

“Hey!  My friends were right...You ARE good!”

“Wow, and to think that I was first trying to pick up on your girlfriend!” 

“Hurry up!  The game is like in 10 minutes!”

A Note About the Male Anatomy

From a vascular standpoint,  a very basic biological condition/fact exists in the Male specimen.  Understanding this phenomena  is essential to a good, healthy sexual relationship. 

It is well documented that blood supply has much to do about Man’s ability to think and reason. This is why they put flight suits on jet pilots so that the pilot can maintain blood supply to the brain under G-force maneuvers to avoid blacking out. 

Fundamentally this is also true about sex, for when God gave Man a Brain and a Penis, unfortunately SHE only gave Man just enough blood supply to run one at a time. HA!!

Yes, Our Brains are Miles Apart

Okay, we all know that our brains are wired quite differently, and that the biggest differences between Men and Women comes basically down to Men not listening and Women not being able to read maps, right?  Ha! 

Seriously, while women communicate through dialogue, discussing their emotions, choices in relationships, and domestic problems; guys remain more result-oriented as their primary goal of communication being to achieve results quickly - and then move on. Pfft!

While most women’s friendships focus on making contacts, talking about relationships, problems, sharing secrets, relating to mutual experiences, and exhausting options. - Men’s companionships with each other is not less profound, it's just different. 

It is important to understand each other and know when it is appropriate to discuss things as the following clip aptly illustrates:

It also seems that women are more talkative in their gender groups and have more variation on a particular topic than men.  It has been said that woman use about 20,000 words per day while a man uses only about 7,000.  Certainly, we have no shortage of words when it comes to talking. HA!  And blah, blah, blah ... you Men certainly have some catching up to do! Ha!

But after saying that, I know that there certainly are those men who want to chat about their feelings and women who quickly tire of discussion as well. But what are the facts about sex and talkativeness? Shall we go there? 

There's an enormous amount of individual variations or levels of intimate communication because that is what makes us unique as people, and each of us talk more or less depending on mood and situation. 

Looking into My Crystal Ball I see, I see .... Oh Shit!

One of the biggest mistakes people make in a relationship is to expect their partner to read minds. Open communication and understanding run hand-in-hand in a relation. We do change as people over time, and having said that communication is key in a good progressive relationship. 

Effective communication in a relationship can make the difference between a happy relationship and none at all. And, it isn’t just about talking with each other or sharing a laugh. Communication is also about expressing a negative opinion at times as well. 

Holding back your frustration over something that really annoys you in a relationship is not healthy because it means that saying nothing repeats the same thing again. So, if something’s bugging you about the relation, it is more healthy to speak out about it openly and frankly rather that letting it simmer into a stew and go unresolved. 

Frank communication (when the time is right) can achieve something much better and help the both of you grow together and sustain your relationship. 

Finding love in SL 

The SL world is full of places to go and experience. But when it comes to love, while it’s surprisingly easy to hook up here romantically for the short term, it totally uncertain as to the realm of the relationship to follow.

Personally speaking, I know a few couples who have been together here in SL seemingly forever.  But I find their love to be more of the exception than the rule here.  Maybe it is just me and I am just too picky.  You know, I have a decent Avi body, charm, personality, and wit.  So, maybe Mr. Right is still out there for me?  Nah!! 

So, if you’re single here in SL and feeling hopelessly lost, don’t fret. You really are not alone. Join the club! Ha!

Unlike my B’wuana Becky travels, love isn’t a road map to go from one place to another. As far as love is concerned, it is like a magical recipe that changes with each person. I am sure that there are many here who have actually given up on finding love, and carry on their SL experiences with fairytale romances and erotic experiences here. 

True, SL probably isn’t really the best environment to find long term commitments because of its mostly fantasy, although I do know of a few people that have actually transcended from SL into RL and are now couples in RL. This is more the exception than the rule, but it can happen if the recipe is right.

But, if you’re one of those hopeless romantics trying to find love here in SL, let’s delve a bit deeper.  To start off, what exactly are you looking for here in SL? Is this an escape from your married relationship in SL?  Or, do you just come into SL because you get bored with your RL boyfriend and are looking for some guy to swoon your mind over? What ever the reasons are, it can be at once intriguing and exciting for the heart.  Perhaps it is because YOU simply want to find love again? If the latter is the case, then understanding this will be the key to opening up better avenues and paths in your search for love here in SL. 

Love & the SL Marketplace

So let’s look at identifying the type of love you are feeling when you first meet a guy that you are interested in here. Basically, there are four different degree categories of love:

Crazy-in-love 

Head-over-heels-in-love

Sort-of-in-love

Am-I-in-love? 

Okay, now that we have identified which category of love matches your degree or level, let’s look into the type of partner that you’re seeking, shall we? 

Pfft! Obviously, looks are easy here - so we can pass on that aspect (unless you want a big gorilla or someone to literally whisk you right off of your feet, ha!) No...Okay then, let’s begin to look deeper insofar as selection is concerned. 

B’wuana Beck’s Guide to Hunting Checklist 

So, let’s start off and  make a “B’wuana Beck’s Guide to Hunting Checklist.”  Ha!  Sounds like some sort of big game expedition, doesn’t it? Seriously, sometimes it’s not easy to make a checklist about love, but it’s always better to create a list if you want to know how to find love. So please bare with me.

I would start off by asking yourself what are the most important aspects that you want in your partner here in SL? Knowing how to find your guy (or girl) here in SL is about knowing what you want in a partner. 

Aside from being attractive (which is easy to find here), what is most important to you?  Do you seek the charming type, the fun seekers, those ambitious here, or all of the above? Don’t sweat over the small stuff. It’s alright for the list to be vague.

Of course, love at first sight here in SL is commonplace. Certainly, during those times of the passion, you won’t care about this list, but still, these checklists are always important in looking at the long term relationship. 

So, when you know that you like someone but yet at the same time, you can’t describe it as love, it is important to step back and assess what you are looking for before getting in any deeper.  Infatuation can be dangerous and lead you into the wrong places. Often, being infatuated you might experience mood swings and feelings of intense joy and frustrations. 

Looking For a Partner that Interests You

Instead of dropping expectations of love here in SL, first ask yourself what your ideal SL partner might want from you. Look into the mirror - What would your dream partner be looking for? 

Speak with a few friends of the opposite sex and ask them about what their definition is of a great partner. Use this as a learning experience to improve upon yourself. 

More so than in RL, in SL attractiveness is all about charisma, persona and attitude than anything else. Do you understand where I am going? 

The Law of Attraction in SL - Like Love Bugs Drawn to a Warm Light

Truth be told, leave love to the secret law of attraction. It works, and it’s very natural. Simply put, you can ask for the moon in a relationship, but if you want the best partner, you have to be the best partner too. 

Now that you have made your checklist of the things you want in a partner. And just like you, your prospective partner’s made a mental checklist of the things they want in their partner too.

If both of your checklists align, it’s instant attraction - You know, like bugs to a warm light! Just be careful that it isn’t a bug zapper! LOL